Growing Up Is Hard To Do

Ever have a conversation with someone that you know will change you, even as you're having it? I had that convo today.


I told my friend Nikki that I feel frustrated, because it seems like when I'm trying to be a better person and do better, my efforts aren't rewarded. They say crazy is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So how come when I do something different I still get the same result?

I think I just needed to vent. Nikki is much more religious than me, and, at this stage in my life, more spiritual as well. So I expected to hear something about what God would or would not do, etc.

Instead, Nikki said this: Sometimes you have to be patient. I think a lot of times when we say we're going to be better, and then we expect our life to change immediately. You know what the right thing is, you just have to have faith that doing the right thing will lead you to the right path.

Patience and faith? It'll be easier for me to become an astronaut and a neurosurgeon?

Me: Well, if nothing's happening, how do I know I'm doing the right thing?

Nikki: Well, you know in your gut what's right. You just have to trust your instincts.

Patience and faith and trusting my instincts? Son of a bitch! I am screwed. But Nikki is still right. I think too often we (I) go back to our old bad habits, whatever they may be, because becoming something different just takes too long. No matter how scary it is, or no matter how intense my fear of failure/rejection, I am committed to evolving!!